Mindful Driven LifeKERRY YONUSHONIS, LCSW

When Your Values Differ From Your Partner's

You may discover that an assumption you thought was shared is understood differently by your partner.

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All ResourcesInherited Beliefs

A QUESTION WORTH EXPLORING

Start with the part that feels familiar.

You may discover that an assumption you thought was shared is understood differently by your partner. The difference might concern family expectations, work, faith, money, or what a good relationship should look like. It can feel surprising even in a long relationship.

A disagreement about values is more specific than deciding that you have nothing in common. Some differences involve preferences, some involve practical agreements, and some affect fundamental choices. Individual or couples work can help clarify what kind of conversation you are trying to have.

Words such as respect, commitment, or independence can conceal different definitions. One person may describe frequent contact as care while another experiences care as room to decide. Looking at the behavior each word refers to can make a discussion less abstract, even when the difference remains important.

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MAKING THE QUESTION SPECIFIC

A place to begin the conversation.

Choose one recent decision in which the difference became visible. What did each person expect, what was actually said, and what remains unresolved? Avoid filling in the other person's explanation before hearing it.

Is this a different preference, an unspoken agreement, or a deeper difference in direction?
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THE RELATED SERVICE

Inherited Beliefs

Inherited beliefs are ideas about identity, relationships, duty, or belonging that you learned before you had much opportunity to question them. Exploring them does not require rejecting everything you grew up with. Kerry works with adults who want to understand what still fits, what feels uncertain, and what they want to choose more deliberately. This can include religious deconstruction without an expectation that therapy should lead you toward or away from a particular faith.

Explore Inherited Beliefs

BEFORE YOU BEGIN

Questions can stay open.

What if we use the same word but mean different things?

Ask what the word would look like in an actual situation. Respect might refer to privacy for one person and frequent consultation for the other. Describing the behavior can reveal an unspoken expectation that abstract agreement concealed. It does not make either definition automatically correct, but it gives the disagreement a more specific subject.

Does a values difference mean the relationship cannot work?

A page cannot determine that. Some differences can be negotiated in practical agreements; others affect important choices about the direction of life. Couples or individual work can help clarify the nature of the difference and the options you want to consider. It should not promise compatibility or decide the outcome from a general description.

KEEP EXPLORING

Related questions.

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A Good Change That Still Feels Hard

You wanted the move, the new role, or the opportunity.

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Career Change and Inherited Expectations

A career decision can bring two conversations into the same room: what the work is like now and what changing it would mean about you.

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A FIRST CONVERSATION

See if this feels
like a fit.

A free 15-minute consultation is a chance to ask about working together. Tell me what you are looking for, and we can talk about the next step.

Therapy is offered by video to adults in Texas and Colorado. Individual rates will be discussed before you schedule a session.

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